All We Are
by In-Case-Of-Dragons
Summary: Feelings are a scary thing, and they don't always appear in a convientional way. A story that relates to a shocking reality, created by the characters of InuYasha. Rating may change, but I will give you fair warning if so!
1. The Dream

**All We Are **

This is it really. This is what it means to be human. An endless routine or do's and don't's, approved by some higher society. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter who we are, what we are not, or what we do, what we don't do, where we go, or where we don't go. It only takes one tiny accident, and all we are is ruined. Crushed. Degraded. Maybe we are all born with that one specific default that will be our downfall. Maybe that is why no one lives forever. Because we have outstayed our welcome here. We can leave are marks, we can leave kicking and screaming, but everything, in the end, is meaningless. Every day I slaved to protect this place. Protect everything I love. Everything I had, relied on me and me alone. There is no rest for the wicked, and the wicked never rests for me.

I can't breathe.

"You can't go..."

"I have too. I'm sorry"

I wish I could...I wish I was...Why can't...What? What can I wish for? What will make this stop, make the reality just a nightmare? Could I wish it was me instead? Or would that not be enough.

"I'm sorry..."

A another word. They were all just words now.

"If I could change things, I wouldn't...I wouldn't change a moment of it..."

You were everything. My everything. If this whole existence had a point, a plan, any structure at all, then loving you was mine. 'Love is a reason.' Love is not a fucking reason. All you can do is love, and love, and love again, and each time you are left with nothing. If there is a reason to keep living, it is not love. Because life will take even that from you, in the end., and then you know you have outstayed your welcome. The whole reason for my very existence was to love with all my heart, more than anyone else in the world. Now it has been completed, I'm a useless entity. A shell less human being. If I was built to stand alone, then I wouldn't ever have needed to love in the first place. Never even understand love. But my place was here, to love, to be loved, to understand love, to BE love, and now its gone, what does that mean for me? Will I be taken away too?

Thoughts fluttered through my brain. What about the family she always wanted? What about the Wedding she had wanted? What about that kiss that we never shared? The love we never made? I never even found out what her skin felt like. There were so many 'what ifs'? I wanted so badly to tell her how I had wanted those things. With her and her alone. How no one else would ever compare to her.

I wanted to say something, anything!

But I can't breathe.

"Please..."

I could have been crying. I could have been bleeding internally. I was numb. Numb in all senses of the word. With every rise of her crushed chest, the more my heart broke. Surrounded in a pool of her blood, her tiny frame folded in my arms, I began to rock .A small smile was plastered across her blood stained face, her raven black hair matted in her own blood. She was covered in wounds, sweat, gunpowder, and debris.

She had never looked so beautiful.

"I love you...so much. Did you...know that?"

"I always knew. I always knew that I loved you more than anyone has ever loved another. Romeo and Juliet would have been jealous of us if..."

"If I had...said sooner."

"You never needed to say it. I just knew it."

I knew I was shaking, but I felt nothing. Just darkness, emptiness. This is what hell feels like, I know it. No pain, no hatred, nothing. Just darkness.

I kissed her beautiful, perfect forehead. Then, her rose stained, porcelain cheeks. Then finally, her cold, bloodless lips. They were my lips. I would have filled them with my own blood if I had too.

But I still can't breathe.

And as her chest heaved one last heave, I realised that neither of us would ever breathe darkness crept. It seized. I died.

I dug my nails into her body, creating newer, even fresher wounds. It was all my fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault! My Fault! My fault! MY FALUT!

Could I just stop my life right here? Would it be okay to never try again?

Could this be the end?

I will never. Never breathe again.

I'll never breathe. I'll never breathe. I'll never breathe. I'll never breathe, I'll never breathe. I'll never breathe...


	2. Awakening

**Hello again everyone! I've returned for the second chapter! I'd like to say that since college has me on one of those things with the balls and the string that click back and forth...you know the ones...chapters will only arrive on weekends. But thank you for even getting this far, and hopefully the plot will slowly but surely unfold, and you'll all still be here to witness it.**

**Read and Review everyone! **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

He shot up, startled. He'd had the strangest dream last night. He frowned and held his head as he fell back down on the fluffy white coat he had laid out on the floor to sleep on. What a weird thing to dream of. It filled him with a terrible urgency and fear that he tried to push down inside him. Kagome...dead? It was an impossible thing! He was unwilling to think about what it meant, or the thoughts he had felt at the time. What did it matter anyway? It was just a stupid dream. He wasn't a secret philosopher, and it was a good thing too! Kami knows, there are an abundance of men around here who thought they understood life better than the average demon, when really, they didn't have a clue. Life is pointless. This life is all we are, and one day, some pompous ass-hole who calls himself a 'Philosopher' would say it, take all the credit for it, and everyone will praise him like some sort of Deity. Pah. He was certain, if anyone would even bother to ask him, he'd tell them the real meaning of life...

" InuYasha? The sun isn't even up properly yet, what are you doing wake?" Kagomes voice rang out through the clearing, snapping his attention directly. She got up from her little makeshift bed, rubbing her eyes. Upon looking at her he was filled with an overwhelming relief. It was almost like the dream really happened, and the darkness he woke up in had been chased away by a beautiful fire. A beautiful fire that stood in front of him, clad in yellow pyjamas, hands on her hips, and a bemused sort of smile. He groaned and turned away from her, burying his head back in his fur blanket.

"What's wrong with you? If this is an indication of how this day is going to be, then I wont have it!"

He could imagine her pouting, and to save himself from the cutesy image, he curled up into a ball and threw the cover over himself. Her laughed echoed through the clearing, and it filled him up like warm honey. A blush spread across his face and he growled angrily, mentally kicking himself for having such an awful dream. The fucking thing would be the curse of him and he knew it .Not that he needed any more curses in his life time.

"Did you have a bad dream or something?" She asked coming to sit by him.

Silence.

"InuYasha?"

Silence.

"What, are you sleeping?"

Silence.

"Fine! Its alright for some..."

He hadn't fallen asleep at all, but he didn't want to have to look at her again, or talk to her at all. Perhaps he could just convince himself he had suddenly developed a loathing for her? Then he could never be nice to her ever again, and he could just leave her and not feel guilty. Maybe-

His thought were cut off as he heard Kagomes gentle even breaths.

He looked up and instantly regretted it. She was there! Right next to him, sleeping! Oh, if she knew of his troubles. Or the danger she was in just sitting so close to him...

Hold that thought now!

There was no danger. No, no there wasn't. She was sleeping in his space, and he couldn't accept that. That is all. He poked her, hoping she'd just roll over. But when she did, she rolled onto the dry grass and dirt. This on its own made him feel a little guilty. He sighed and cursed his new found conscience. He dragged himself out from under his haven of fur and tried to roll her back to where she was before. But the damn woman wouldn't budge! He gave her a poke in the ribs, he gave her a couple of shoves. He even tried dragging her, but it didn't appear to be working. She might as well have been dead! Dead...he shook the thought from his head quickly. He didn't want to visit that dream ever again, and that damn women was plaguing his thoughts in ways he didn't ever want to think of. He sighed in frustration, as she sighed happily and grabbed the fur blanket, snuggling into it. He rolled his eyes. Stupid damn women. He couldn't think why women even had to exists. Sure, they carry babies and such, but they weren't much help in normal, important things, like hunting, and they were always bitchy, crabby, and complaining about the outdoors. Really, he can't even see why anyway would even be attracted to women.

She rolled over unto her back, exposing some of her porcelain breast.

He gulped. His body reacted his ways he had long forgotten about. He looked to the heavens and took in a few deep breaths. Kagome is not attractive...Kagome is not attractive...

'Okay InuYasha, here is what you are gonna do. You are going to approach her, pick her up, and get her the hell away from your bed before she makes it smell.' He said to himself.

A sure sign of insanity.

He stood up and paced the ground, thinking carefully and deliberately of all the times she had really pissed him off. Or anything that would make him feel less...less...just less. He sighed again and watched her as she rolled around a little. What ever was wrong with him, he'd just have to forget about it. He spends at least 93% of his time with Kagome, she was almost like a sister to him. So, he can't spend 93% of his time thinking about that weird dream he had where she died. He also can't spend 100% of his time wishing that they would get together and have lots of sex and babies. Stupid, stupid, stupid, shitty, stupid dream. It wasn't even realistic anyway. Pfft.

He bent down and scooped her up into his arms, making sure to keep her a good distance away from his body. Even the way she smelt seemed funny to him now. Just touching her brought on horrible visions of her death, and how it felt to know he was loosing her. If he kissed her now, right now, as she slept, would she notice...?

"I don't know what you are planning to do to Kagome-"

InuYasha leapt out of his skin at the sound of Miroku's voice.

" -But if she wakes up, she'll probably rip off your testicles."

Miroku was fully dressed and leaning ever so coolly against a tree. He broke out laughing at the look of panic that appeared over InuYashas face at his appearance. He sometimes wondered if InuYasha was half a demon at all. Did he ever listen to his surroundings?

He watched as the frantic Hanyou practically threw Kagome to the ground and strike a deviant pose.

"Bitch fell asleep on my bed."

There was so much left out of this explanation, but Miroku didn't want to know the rest. All he was preoccupied with is the fact that in the time it took him to go for a pee and come back, InuYasha had been cradling an unconscious Kagome with a look of such lust displayed on his face, that he worried what might have happened if he was a little bit later...

It wouldn't really surprise him if InuYasha had suddenly and finally understood his feelings for Kagome. Everyone knew they were there, even Kagome must have noticed a little bit, but the oppressed sexual tension was getting too much for a poor monk such as himself. He spent a lot of time with the two of them, suffocated by their masked love. He wouldn't be surprised if Kami had actually sent Kagome from her time just so she could be totally and wholly loved by the most unloving creature to have ever walked the earth. Not that he hated InuYasha, but sometime, he wondered if the man even had a heart.

" What are you doing awake anyway?"

"I needed to pee. Why were you trying to kiss Kagome?"

He figured he might as well be blunt with the man. Kami knows, subtlety is not his forte.

InuYasha panicked.

"W-Why would you think that anyway? Its not like she is attractive, and its not as if I'd have any desire to ever. EVER!"

"Oh good, keep shouting, and I'm sure she'll wake up and tell you what she thinks of that."

"Shut the fuck up, Monk!"

"You're still yelling. You can admit it, or stay all sexual repressed and I'll go back to drowning in the atmosphere of your repressed urges. All repressed and alone...and did I mention Repressed?"

InuYasha flew at him like a bird with a jet pack. His hand covered the Monks mouth, pressing him against the tree. He lowered his voice to a husky growl.

"Listen you...you..Monk. Not that I should have to explain myself to you, but I had the weirdest dream and-"

He was promptly interrupted as Miroku licked his hand. InuYasha snatched it away in a flash.

"-That is GROSS! Don't lick me! Do you want to hear the story or not?"

"I don't want to know about any sick, perverted dream of yours InuYasha! I know you are a man...and we men have urges but-!"

A branch to the head shut him up very quickly. InuYasha looked up to see a blurry eyed Sango holding a branch above her head.

"Damn Monk...I'm trying to sleep..."

And with that she drifted away, back to where ever she came from, leaving a startled InuYasha with an unconscious Miroku. He sighed and heaved the monk into a sleeping position and returned to Kagomes side. He sighed as he watched her breathing, her chest heaving up and down in a rhythmic, sleepy manner. He had had the dream, yes. But it wasn't real, it wasn't reality. Kagome wasn't going to die any time soon, he wouldn't allow it. It was an oath he had made to himself. He wouldn't loose her that way, never. She shuffled around and found a comfortable position on the fur blanket. He was surprised she had slept through Miroku's little outburst actually. But it was definitely better that way. It wasn't even morning yet and he already wanted the day to be over. He wanted a new dream, a more helpful, hopeful, hectic dream about dogs and clouds that tasted nice.. One that didn't drag on and on and make him feel so uncomfortable and so angry and dark and...and...

He looked to Kagomes slightly parted lips.

If he was to kiss her now, no one would see...and no one would ever need to know. Just him. And maybe a little woodland creature...

Bending down very slowly, and very hesitantly, he pressed his lips up again hers softly, gently.

Something in his body somewhere exploded.

And that was the end of his life with Kagome as he knew it.

The end of everything as he knew it.


End file.
